A FISH STORY

Why the fish won't bite for you.

Jeremy was long-time trout fisherman who joined the Rainbow Sportsman's club in Canada because  trout were becoming scarce near his home in Washington State. It boasted a well-stocked, exclusive trout lake for members only and had no catch limits. The club's promotion material was packed with testimonials and photos of members displaying long strings of large rainbow trout. Large banners proclaimed: 'Catch 10, 20, even 30 trophy-sized fish every day'.

How could anybody resist? He paid his $149 membership fee and went home to study the glossy sign-up kit and iron the included member patches onto his jacket and hat. He was too excited to sleep so by 4:30 the next morning he was on the way to Rainbow Lake with his SUV loaded with fly rods, creels, 12-pocket fishing vests, hip waders, landing nets, and fly dope.

As the pre-dawn light began to illuminate the lake, Jeremy was dismayed to see large numbers of shadowy fishermen crawling around the shores of the lake. “How the hell am I going to cast a fly in a crowd like this?” he asked himself pulling the lake chart he'd been given as part of his start-up kit map from a deep pocket in his well-worn fishing vest. After studying it carefully and finding no place on it suitable for wading, he decided he'd have to ask for help.

He carefully packed his pipe with Rex Smoking Mixture, lit it, and headed for the lake.

“Flies won't get you shit here,” the old man grinned, obviously pleased with his wit, “These fish are used to more substantial things, like the prawns and hamburger that they grew up on. The only thing you'll catch with flies is somebody's ass, and his fly-swatter in your kisser...if you get my drift”.

“Thanks,” Jeremy muttered, walking away to find someone else to talk with. Somebody a little less crude.  

“You best put your fly-rods away and get some decent spin-casting gear,” the old man yelled after him.

But Jeremy was a purist. Fly fishing required skill and a  thorough knowledge of entomology. Spin-casting was only a tiny step above trolling.

“No, no,” insisted the guy with the sign offering spin-casting lessons for 25% off, “spin casting requires casting a variety of lure weights with pin-point accuracy and retrieving them with the finesse required to make them look and act like wounded prey. Look, because you are obviously a very talented fisherman already, I'll give you my entire 12 CD course for only $40 and throw in a couple of my best selling videos, plus a half-hour introductory lesson as soon as the sun comes up. Do you have the cash with you? If not I can take a credit card.”

Before the sun came up, Jeremy had been approached by bait casting experts, bottom fishing specialists, an artificial lure consultant, and an ice-fishing guru.

Over the next couple of months he tried everything and caught just one fish. He paid for every tip and trick the 'gurus' offered , thinking his lack of success was some fault of his own.

Then one night in dream, he awoke to the realization that the lake was saturated with fishermen. Although the club stocked the lake with 10,000 fish in early spring, their 500 members were anxious to catch a “feed of trout” and crowded the lake shores daily. It was suddenly obvious to Jeremy that if each of them caught just one fish a day, the lake would be devoid of trout by the end of the first month.

He didn't bother going back to Canada that day, or any day after that. Then he canceled the autopay for membership at his bank account.

If you are experiencing similar lack of results with your club membership, write to me at cals5839@gmail.com and I will tell you the moral of this story. I'll also send you a free travel certificate good for two nights for two people in a luxury hotel in a big city close to you.