Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble - when you're a New Oil Baron!
I've been writing a lot of articles for MLMGateway and they thought I should tell people something about myself and why I am qualified to create an MLM involving Oil. I guess they think you have to have a name like Rockefeller or Buffet to be successful in a business dominated by Arabs. Anyway I thought I'd give it a go.
Now I am suddenly finding myself having trouble. I just don't know what to say. You'd think that a guy who has spent the biggest part of his life writing newspaper columns, magazine articles, books, and advertising copy would find it easy write a little introduction wouldn't you? But I just can't think of how to present myself without having you think that I'm conceited.
The problem is that when you are 'perfect in every way', like the great, handsome, and talented singer Mac Davis, and have done everything and been everywhere like the equally great Johnny Cash, you can't tell people of all the great things you've done without them thinking you are either exaggerating or telling outright lies. If that happens they'll never read anything I write ever again.
Even mentioning small details about myself, like my age, is often misinterpreted. If, for example, I say that I'm just four months shy of 86, it sounds like bragging when I look and act like I'm half that age. Normally if a man tells you he is eighty-five, you automatically assume he isn't able to speak coherently, let alone create a successful online oil business and a blog to promote it with.
So what can I say if I can't even tell you my age without generating sighs of disbelieve. That's particularly true in
face-to-face encounters, because I look so good. Even women 20 years my junior won't date me, because I'm too young for them - and men that age feel threatened because of my dynamic, muscular physique.
When i was a scuba diver a few years ago, fearless and bold; searching for abalone and sea urchins in the cold, deep waters along the coast of British Columbia; roaming the reefs with giant octopus and 2,000 pound sea lions nipping at my heels, I had to give it up when a group of environmentalists started picketing my boat because I was hand feeding the Killer whales.Then I was excommunicated by my church because they believed that if I was as old as I said, I had to be very close to death and should prostrate myself at the feet of God, asking for forgiveness. They didn't seem to understand that 'equals' don't grovel to each other.
So I guess the only thing I say honestly, without generating any more doubt and animosity is that I'm highly intelligent, a superior athlete, exceedingly creative, righteously truthful and consistently modest.
Oh! I do have one problem. There's an old man that stalks me night and day. He thinks I don't know he's following me but I see his reflection in store windows every once in a while, and he is always standing too close when I'm shaving in the morning. I'm beginning to hate the old bugger.
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